Recent days have been filled with highs and lows, and honestly, you could say that in just about any week in ministry. It is so awesome when an outreach goes to plan, a series really connects, or an altar service changes lives. What is difficult is balancing those experiences with the lows; disappointment, uncertainty, and stress. I have noticed, especially over the last few weeks that I tend to define myself in the moment. When things are going great, I don't question my calling or situation, but when the negative tide rolls in, so do the questions. Can I hack it anymore? Am I really called to this? Do people even care that I am pouring myself into this?
I wear my emotions on my sleeve. It is a fault, and I am working on it, but it is me nonetheless. I'm an emotional guy. I yell at football games, and sometimes at church. I get emotional when it comes to my boys, and I cry at the end of the movie "Rudy." It's just me. The sad part is, when I look through the filter of my circumstances, I see God and ministry skewed. And soon to follow it the question, "Why?", and that is the wrong question.
Isaiah 55 states:
8-11"I don't think the way you think.
The way you work isn't the way I work."
"For as the sky soars high above earth,
so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
and the way I think is beyond the way you think.
Just as rain and snow descend from the skies
and don't go back until they've watered the earth,
Doing their work of making things grow and blossom,
producing seed for farmers and food for the hungry,
So will the words that come out of my mouth
not come back empty-handed.
They'll do the work I sent them to do,
they'll complete the assignment I gave them.
Do we really want God to plan and think as we do? Think About it. The creator of the universe planing out of frustration or failure? If He worked like us, we probably wouldn't hear from Him on Mondays or Thursdays because of His frustration at followers. I'm Glad God has it in HIS hands. I am truly thankful that God doesn't think like me, or try and reason it all out in advance. We wouldn't need faith then. Our relationship with Him would be stale and non-communicative.
The real question is "Where?"
By asking God "Where?" we are following His leading to a new destination. We are not defined by our circumstances in the moment, but by what God is doing through us and where He is taking us. A higher place. A Higher Definition.